Wednesday, July 22, 2015

To Whom It May Concern

To say that "I am no longer a victim of depression" may seem very contradictory at this moment as somma y'all might have seen my behavior yesterday. Isn't that what we all go through, mixed emotions?

In the past few days I have adopted the belief of explaining myself to no one! Is this true? Maybe.

I say maybe because I put great value on another, "YOU."

In this case I am forced to explain myself:

When I was involved in a car accident I nursed a condition called focal head injury. I won't go into too much detail about this injury... One of the results of this injury is mood swings and depression.

Yesterday I had a severe mood swing problem, because of several factors. One of them is when my concentration medication was kicking in it caused me to shake a lot.

This was very hurtful to me cause I felt like it was creating a scene. This also explains why I did what I did yesterday.

Am I really suffering from depression or am I just facing life at its hardest? I feel like I am just facing life at its hardest right now... We all have our own depressive issues. Mine is not the first and the last.

I am grateful
and inspired by the fact that I am still fighting today.  Mixed emotions, maybe? I don't know...

Monday, March 30, 2015

Fight Through It - Motivational Video

Even though I fell, I never said "It's over." I kept on fighting and fighting and fighting. Look where I am today. I have obstacles today but I will never utter the words, "IT'S OVER!"

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Why the smile er'day?

Since I acknowledge my truimphs, back in grade 7, primary school, I have been putting a smile on my face. I do admit though that me doing this has been on and off.

Now that I am at the best varsity in Africa, doing my 2nd year, I feel like this year that I will be happy the most.

The reasons as to why I am happy, though partly:

  1. I am taking concentration tablets - When this medication kicks in my system it starts off by making me happy. After a few hours have passed this medication makes me very shaky and moody.
  2. I am privileged to be at one of the best Universities in South Africa, University of Cape Town.
  3. I am also privileged to be in the best residence in Africa, Smuts Hall. At this residence I have found friends whom I can turn to when I'm going through hard times. They are very supportive.
  4.   I surround myself with positive and enriching environments.
  5. I consider myself as an example to others around me.
  6. I am different.
One of the main reasons why I am happy the most is however:

Having a very supportive mother. After coming to realization of my rehabilitated state it hasn't been easy for me to carry on with life. I have nursed behaviors that I didn't have before everything changed. The emotional and psychological damages I am now nursing is mainly getting quickly irritated and short-memory loss. At times I have given my mother trouble because of these behaviors. What strikes me the most about her is that she has chosen to accept me as I am and comfort me. In doing this she gives me sound advise at times. One of the most prominent advise she gave me was when she told me, "the car accident didn't happen to you, but happened for you..." 

Another reason as to why I put on a smile er'day is:

I am overcoming the obstacles that each new day presents to me. This also goes back in time.

Yesterday I was recalling all the severe challenges I have overcome. Wanting to commit suicide because of my circumstances. I wanted to commit suicide because I am being mocked. This therefore would not only make me feel extremely hurt but alone. 

Today however I am learning how to deal with these challenges. This includes the psychological and emotional damages I have nursed. One of the events that is helping me doing this was when I almost stepped on a dead body. The life lesson I learnt after this incident was, "what mark will I leave in the hearts of others." The person I had almost stepped on was involved in a car accident and sadly passed away. The other lesson that I learnt is that I was fortunate to still live after the car accident I was involved in whereas this person passed away after being hit by a car.

This went on to teach me that no matter how different I am to the person next to me, I will have an impact on their life in someway. (This can be translated into the character I have developed because of my surroundings)

I am happy because I am an over-comer.

On a lighter note:

Please do not see my life as the only more or less beautiful life, but see you as a unique and beautiful person.

Monday, February 16, 2015

I made it to the top (Hike up to Black house - University of Cape Town)

I have reached the climax

My love for people is coming to an end. All I get in return is painful disappointments. I honestly do not want people to see the wrong side of me, but I feel like sooner or later those who choose to mock at me will see it.

My love for people is shown in the fact that when I meet someone for the first time they laugh at my speech and shaking, what I do in response to this is I give the person a warning that should you laugh at me again I will make a laughing stork of them. Making a laughing stalk of them however is within the context of the UCT policy. What the UCT policy says is should any student laugh at any other student that student could get into serious trouble or it might even lead the student into exclusion. Being excluded from the best university in Africa, because of a stupid thing like this would be an utter shame to the victim. As a person who does not like paying a wrong for a wrong, I would not like to make any student be in shame. I have however come to a conclusion that I will stop being nice to those who do this to me.


Surrender to Chance - Inspired by Hedley Twidle (University of Cape Town Lecturer)

Qoute of the Day:

Surrender to Chance - Hedley Twidle

To me this means that if I am not willing to surrender to chance I will never have an opportunity to grow.

What is taking a risk?

Taking a risk is when one does something, whether it is good or bad, without knowing what the consequences of that action will be.


There came a time in my life where I was sick and tired of being taken to school by private transport. I then decided that I would start finding my own way to school. I didn't think of walking to school, of course, but I would rather take a train to school. Walking to school in my rehabilitated state would put immense strain to my body. Taking a train however to school meant that I now had to learn to be independent. Throughout my life I have found that people tend to stare at me because of my disability. These are the people who don't know me and sometimes those who just want something to laugh at. The chance of being starred and mocked at when taking a train was very high. I however did not know this.

"I DID IT ANYWAY." I did this because I wanted to know how it feels like being independent. This was even though odds were against me.

Did some people stare or mock at me? Yes, but I did it anyway!

Even though today I may have physical challenges I can proudly say that I have and am learning how to be independent.

If I had not taken the risk of doing things without knowing the consequences thereof, learning to stand on my own would have never happened, today.


I am not saying that people should take irresponsible chances.